Football has come to the ancient city of Ankh-Morpork – not the old-fashioned, grubby pushing and shoving, but the new, fast football with pointy hats for goalposts and balls that go going. And now the wizards of Unseen University must win a football match without using magic, so they’re going to try everything else.
The Big Match draws in an urchin with a gift for kicking a tin can, a maker of jolly good pies, a dim but beautiful young woman, who might turn out to be the greatest fashion model ever, and the mysterious Mr Nutt. (No one knows much about Mr Nutt, not even Mr Nutt).
As the match approaches, four lives are changed forever. Because the thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.
Moist von Lipwig was a con artist and a fraud and a man faced with a life choice: be hanged, or put Ankh-Morpork's ailing postal service back on its feet.
It was a tough decision.
But he has to see that the mail gets through, come rain, hail, sleet, dogs, the Post Office Workers' Friendly and Benevolent Society, the evil chairman of the Grand Trunk Semaphore Company, and a midnight killer.
Getting a date with Adora Bell Dearheart would be nice, too.
Maybe it'll take a criminal to succeed where honest men have failed, or maybe it's a death sentence either way.
Or perhaps there's a shot at redemption in the mad world of the mail, waiting for a man who's prepared to push the envelope...
Vainqueur Knightsbane is your average a giant, fire-breathing lizard who loves to take naps on his golden hoard, kidnap princesses for fun, and make the life of adventurers miserable. Vainqueur's only pleasure in life is to watch his treasure get bigger, one coin at a time. So when a would-be thief turned unwilling minion tells him about "classes," "levels," and "quests," Vainqueur wonders if maybe, just maybe, he should consider a career change. After all, why bother hunting monsters for free when you can get paid for it?
Professional heroes kill and loot deadly monsters every day, but Gorm Ingerson's latest quest will be anything but business as usual.
Making a Killing in Professional Heroics
The adventuring industry drives the economy of Arth, a world much like our own but with more magic and fewer vowels. Monsters’ hoards are claimed, bought by corporate interests, and sold off to plunder funds long before the beasts are slain. Once the contracts and paperwork are settled, the Heroes’ Guild issues a quest to kill the monster and bring back its treasure for disbursement to shareholders.
Life in The Shadows
Of course, while professional heroics has been a great boon for Humans, Elves, Dwarves, and all the other peoples of light, it's a terrible arrangement for the Shadowkin. Orcs, Goblins, Kobolds, and their ilk must apply for to become Noncombatant Paper Carriers (or NPCs) to avoid being killed and looted by guild heroes. Even after getting their papers, NPCs are treated as second class citizens, driven into the margins of society.
An Insane Quest
Gorm Ingerson, a Dwarven ex-hero with a checkered past, has no idea what he's getting himself into when he stands up for an undocumented Goblin. His act of kindness starts a series of events that ends with Gorm recruited by a prophet of the mad goddess Al'Matra to fulfill a prophecy so crazy that even the Al'Matran temple doesn't believe it.
Money, Magic, and Mayhem
But there’s more to Gorm’s new job than an insane prophecy: powerful corporations and governments, usually indifferent to the affairs of the derelict Al’Matran temple, have shown an unusual interest in the quest. If his party of eccentric misfits can stop fighting each other long enough to recover the Elven Marbles, Gorm might be able to turn a bad deal into a golden opportunity and win back the fame and fortune he lost so long ago.
It was the highest honor to defend the Empire against the dreaded Chingers, an enemy race of seven-foot-tall lizards. But Bill, a Technical Fertilizer Operator from a planet of farmers, wasn't interested in honor-he was only interested in two things: his chosen career, and the shapely curves of Inga-Maria Calyphigia. Then a recruiting robot shanghaied him with knockout drops, and he came to in deep space, aboard the Empire warship Christine Keeler. And from there, things got even worse.
What's next for Allan Karlsson? Turns out this centenarian has a few more adventures in store . . .
It all begins with a hot air balloon trip and three bottles of champagne. Allan and Julius are ready for some spectacular views, but they’re not expecting to land in the sea and be rescued by a North Korean ship, and they could never have imagined that the captain of the ship would be harboring a suitcase full of contraband uranium, on a nuclear weapons mission for Kim Jong-un. Yikes!
Soon Allan and Julius are at the center of a complex diplomatic crisis involving world figures from the Swedish foreign minister to Angela Merkel and President Trump. Needless to say, things are about to get very, very complicated.
Another hilarious, witty, and entertaining novel from bestselling author Jonas Jonasson that will have readers howling out-loud at the escapades and misfortunes of its beloved hundred-year-old hero Allan Karlsson and his irresistible sidekick Julius.
Nominated for the Audiobook Download of the Year, 2008.
When Lister got drunk, he really got drunk!
After celebrating his birthday with a Monopoly-board pub crawl around London, he came to in a burger bar on one of Saturn's moons, wearing a lady's pink crimplene hat and a pair of yellow fishing waders, with no money and a passport in the name of "Emily Berkenstein."
Joining the Space Corps seemed a good idea. Red Dwarf, a clapped out spaceship, was bound for Earth. It never made it, leaving Lister as the last remaining member of the human race, three million light years from Earth, with only a dead man, a senile computer, and a highly evolved cat for company.
They begin their journey home. On the way, they'll break the light barrier. They'll meet Einstein, Archimedes, God, and Norman Wisdom...and discover an alternative plane of reality.
In the novel that started all the phulishness, meet the soldiers of Captain Willard Phule's Company—a handful of military rejects able to do more damage before 9 a.m. than most people do all day. Threatened by an alien enemy, Earth's military sends Phule and his soldiers to a distant planet. But now, the aliens have chosen a new target of war . . . Phule's Company.
Including everything you wanted to know about the first three books but never thought to ask.
"HE LOST ALL FAITH IN THE STRAIGHTFORWARD OPERATION OF CAUSE AND EFFECT THE DAY HE GOT UP INTENDING TO CATCH UP WITH SOME READING AND ENDED UP ON A PREHISTORIC EARTH WITH A MAN FROM BETELGEUSE AND A SPACESHIP-LOAD OF ALIEN TELEPHONE SANITISERS...".
Left at the end of LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING with the address for God's Final Message To His Creation, Arthur Dent let this crucial information slip his mind. He tries everything to jog his memory - meditation, mind-reading, hitting himself about the head with blunt objects. But none of it works. Of course, as everyone knows, the answer lies in making life flash before your eyes... Source: douglasadams.com
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